A friend of mine in the military recently emailed me with a question:

"...I seem to be withdrawing. I have begun to pride myself on moving silently, unnoticed. I don't want people to see me. I know that I have always had this tendancy, but its becoming more pronounced. I find myself annoyed at people who make what is probably just the normal amount of noise that a living being
makes, but it sounds so clumsy, so loud. I have even found that my voice
when I am speaking to people is not as loud...I have always prided myself on being able to be a "face man" a friendly guy who is good to talk to, and can be boisterous if need be. Now I cant seem to bring that to the fore anymore, not through lack of trying but through inability. Could you tell me what you think?"

This was my reply:

Since I've been moving headlong into this stuff, I spend a lot of time noticing the animals and birds around here. I really like the variety you can find in Virginia--Boston always seemed to be lacking in wildlife--I mean wildlife that wasn't part of a college fraternity. I'm sure that rats and pidgeons pledges are lovely creatures, but I find it hard to identify with them on a spiritual level.

I saw a turtle in the creek yesterday, and the more I look around, the more animals seem to pop out at me...there was a frog on the sidewalk the other day...and there's a blue heron that hangs around the creek on the other side of Holland road. I also saw a group of tiny starlings chase a hawk away from a nest. All this on my 15 minute walk to work.

Ok, so just for grins I turned to my book of animal totems to see what insight I could get.
I opened a page at random--lucky you--you got Cockroach.
Now before you get all huffy at me, let me explain something. Cockroach is the teacher of successful adaptability in hostile environments--yes, the book actually says that, I'll let you see it when you get home.
And really, the little critters are dreadfully hard to kill. Looking further into the metiphor, we remember that Cockroaches are scavengers and they feed off fallen fruit and foods, so they teach us to use what is available to us and also that we must clean out the dead and useless aspects of our lives--parts of our personalities too? Of course.
Most people don't know just how sensitive the cockroach is to changes in the environment--in fact they have these little spikey things all over their backs that sense pressure and movement. They don't like bright lights or noise either. My take on the example here is that you are yourself becomming very sensitive to subtle changes (not your usual forte).
You are acting on instinct, and your sensitivity supports your actions.
In other words, you are doing exactly what you should be doing, and it makes perfect sense to me for you to withdraw somewhat after have your senses in constant overdrive for so long.
You're almost done--you can see the end, you are in effect "battening down the hatches" for the rest of the trip--beginning to sever ties and cut yourself off in preperation for the return home.

Another interesting fact about our buggy friends is that they don't go through a pupal stage--they go directly from egg to adult form. This suggests that one moves somewhat prematurely from childhood to adulthood taking on adult responsibilities early in their lives. Sound like anyone you know?
It may be that you simply don't want to have any extra responsibility piled on you before you go.

People change--and I would say that you are going through one of the most life-changing experiences a person could go through. Relax and let your instincts take over--they seem to be pointing you in the right direction. It will take some time to regain your balance, in the mean time trust that now is the time to cut down on the noise and stay out of the light.

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all... and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or sexual preference of the wishee. (By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)

Sometimes, "the old" in our lives must be swept away to make room for "the new".
That doesn't mean it's easy, but what energy you have attached to an old dream or situation sits in the past; and is energy that cannot be used elsewhere in your life in the present.

It usually happens in the form of a rude awakening, or a shattered dream--and we lose not only the dream, but an entire way of life--everything that dream represented to us--everything we thought "would be"; all built up in our minds; sometimes for years.
But remember that it often takes crisis to break us out of old patterns. This is our perceptions being realigned towards the "what is"--the starting point for all improvement.

Measure yourself by what you have gained and not by what you have lost.
Once the break is truly made, the healing can begin.


I'm talking about myself. Sound like anyone else to you?

I have known John for almost 11 years. He was a major support to me in New York when my marriage was failing, I was the only person he made time to see before he went to boot camp and the only one he saw when he returned on leave. He wore his dress uniform and took me to the most expensive restaurant that back-water cow-town had.
Of course, it's only now that I realize how precious that was, and how callously I treated it while it was happening.
We last met up in Boston about a month ago for a movie. That was the last time I saw him.
I spent a lot of time yeling at him for not taking better care of himself.

Last night, I dreamt about my X-husband, and he called me this morning to tell me about John.

When those we love die, we spend a lot of time wondering "why". Why was this person so unlucky, what did they do to deserve it, is this part of God's plan, why is it so cruel, and sometimes, Why wasnt it me instead.
But I believe that there are just some things we will never know--and dont really have to. I dont want to take my lessons through someone's death, I'd rather learn from their lives...to remember the lessons they taught...how they dealt with the pressures and obstacles they faced every day.
John never quite found his happiness; but he believed it was out there somewhere. He kept trying, and held his friends close, and even though I never did anything to deserve it, he stuck by me in his heart even during the long years where we had no contact at all.

At this time, when so many friends have passed on, I will do my best to remember that friendship is a privilage and not a right.
I will remember that these people loved me unconditionally--no matter how much time had passed, no matter how I had changed...and how priceless friends like that are.
I will recognize those still living and I will not forsake them. I will do my best to become that kind of friend.
Instead of focusing on "why" they died, I will live in awe that each one of these Spirits in Transit chose to befriend me; not for anything I did or could do, but just because I was me. I will be grateful for the times we shared, and realize that there is nothing particular about me that entitled me to more time than we had.

Wherever John is now, I know that ultimately he chose to be there. I hope that he will carry the lessons learned in this life through to the next. We will meet again--of that I am certain. But until then I will take comfort in knowing that John is happy at last.

We bill insurances by satelite. It's one reason you can go to any store in the chain and access your information and get something filled.
Today the satelites were down. We dont know why, we just get stuck dealing with the fallout, which is, being unable to bill insurance (i.e. obtain a partial payment from them) we must sell the prescription for the retail price.
The customer has 2 options; 1) they can leave the meds at the store, wait until the links come up--sometimes an hour, sometimes a day, then we re-bill and they pay the regular copay or 2) they pay the retail price so they can have the meds and come back for reimbursement.

Most people were quite understanding but one fellow was overdue for a medication that has a realy nasty withdrawl. He was completely unglued.
He wouldnt pay the retail price, he wouldnt purchase a few to get him through a day until the links were up, he just demanded to have his medicine. He was yelling and crying, we called the manager up front just to hang around because we were frightened.
This guy would leave, then come back and yell, then leave--I called his insurance company to verify the network was down because he wouldnt believe it from me, but when he threw his insurance card at me something went flying across the counter with it. It was a butterfly knife--closed thank God, which he took back right away and stormed out of the store. (A few people in line told me that they wouldnt have let him hurt me--not a one of them was under 65 years old)
OK...so, we have a belligerent customer in heavy withdrawl, a crowd of people, a floater pharmacist and now I know he's carrying a knife...o...k...

I know this medication--years ago when I worked at CVS there was a woman who had missed 2 days because her Mass Health insurance wouldnt cover it any more. After 2 days, her downstairs neighbor came in and bought the pills, over $100. She had been lying in bed the whole time screaming that she was dying and he was so fed up with it that he came in and paid for the pills himself. I felt about as bad for this guy as I could feel.

So...we cant bill, and we cant transfer the script because it was called in so there's no "official" hard copy to transfer--cant fax a script written at one store out of the chain, he wont pay, and he's leaving town at 7am the next morning before we open so it had to be done tonight.
There was no way he was going to get his stuff there tonight.
One of the things he yelled at me during his most recent visit was "You're UNCREATIVE--computers dont solve problems, PEOPLE do!!!"
Well............................ME????????? Not creative????? Oh no...this wont do at all...
So....
I called CVS to see if their links were down--they were OK. Then I took the info off our label and had his Dr. paged. I waited at work for an extra hour and a half waiting for her to call back. When she did, I gave her the information and had her call a new script into the CVS up the street. She said "Oh, we have to get that med to him, that's a bad withdrawl" 0_o Preach to the choir lady.
Then I called CVS again to give them all the information on his insurance so they could get it ready as soon as possible.
With all the crap, past and present; and the lack of a real support structure I guess it's just nice to know that I could fix a problem with nothing more than...well...me.

I wonder if this fellow knows that his words were the key--and he was right. The computer was the problem. When the computer link couldnt be fixed, the next logical step was to eliminate it from the equation...couldnt go through it so I effectively went around it.
One of the beliefs of Huna is that the answers to everything are always right in front of you; the trick is to know how to look.
If I see him again I have to remember to tell him that....

"Be at peace with your own soul; then Heaven and Earth will be at peace with you. Enter eagerly into the treasure house that is within you, and so you will see the things that are in Heaven; for there is but one single entry hidden within your soul. Flee from sin; dive into yourself, and in your soul you will discover the stairs by which to ascend."


"Be at peace with your own soul; then Heaven and Earth will be at peace with you"

Develop a good relationship and communication between the 3 selves; the Ku (which governs one's Earthly functions, Lono (Which is considered the "thinking self"--the "you" that you are aware of) and Aumakua (The High Self which exists as an energy form outside the body and above it). Successful work can only be done when the selves are in agreement, otherwise one or more might hold a belief which might keep your prayer from being heard. Learn to let go of complexes, obsolete beliefs and limiting behaviors. When you do this, you will remain connected to your other selves and will be in touch with the wisdom of the Universe. Principle ..1 "The World Is What You Think It Is"...if you believe that you are at peace with the world, the energy returned to you will be peaceful.

"Enter eagerly into the treasure house that is within you...

Huna Principle ..6 "All Power Comes From Within"--Be confidant. Confidence is vital because without it, it is difficult to function. All the power that creates your own experience comes from your own body, mind and spirit. You create all your experiences through your beliefs, desires, fears, expectations, reactions, and responses. Neither affirmations, prayers nor visualizations will be effective if they are spoken with wistful hope and feelings. Confident authority is the key to all conscious creation and manifestation. "Treasure" is a code-word often used to mean Mana.

"and so you will see the things that are in Heaven; for there is but one single entry hidden within your soul..."

The Aumakua can be contacted *only* through the Ku. The waking/thinking self does not have the direct connection. When that connection is active, the Ku sends Mana (Universal energy and "stuff of life") upwards to the Aumakua along a shadowy cord or line. In this way, the Ku is communicating with your connection to God

"Flee from sin; dive into yourself, and in your soul you will discover the stairs by which to ascend."

The Ku can only send clear instructions upwards if the shadowy cord is clear of doubt, complexes caused byperceived sin then energy can flow upwards unimpeded.



So who is this quotation attributed to?
Must be some modern Kahuna, allegorical to be sure, but if you know the "code language" it is pretty damn obvious what all this means...yes?

Nope.
This was said by St. Isaac of Syria in the 7th Century.
I found this quote printed on a piece of paper and taped to the wall of a Greek Orthodox chapel.
So how old did you say this stuff was again.......?

I made something to "bless" about the experience--Enjoy!

(Sung to the Tune of "The Ballad of John and Yoko")

Typing on my apple computer
Found a thread and posted my stance
The people wrote back and said "You ignorant Hack."
"Your Soul aint never gonna advance!"

Christ you know it ain't easy,
To get them to see.
The way things are going
I think they're gonna ban me!

I said "I didn't mean to offend you."
"Please let me try to phrase it again."
They always mis-quote,
did they read what I wrote?
I guess they never read any Zen..

Christ you know it ain't easy,
You know how hard it can be.
The way things are going
I'm sure they're gonna ban me.

Arguments became kind of heated.
I said "you disagree and that's fine"
The Webmaster said, "gal, you're sick in the head.
The only view that matters is MINE!"

Christ you know it ain't easy,
they're all unwilling to see.
The way things are going
I know they're gonna ban me.

Studying my Huna each and every day
Focusing my mind on clarity.
"That's not enough" they said
"you must be like us instead"
You don't know nothing until you
buy these books - think!"

They think I have some secret agenda,
should have raised a bloody red flag.
I suggested their view might be slightly askew.
Man, posting here is really a drag.

Christ you know it ain't easy,
You know how hard it can be.
The way things are going
I bet they're gonna ban me.

I finally left them all in their dungeon
While he worked out his plan of attack
because the way I assess gave their egos much stress;
He fixed it so I couldn't go back.

Christ you know it ain't easy,
You know how hard it can be.
The way things are going
I thought they'd go and ban me.
The way things are going
I knew they'd finally ban me.


;)

Tonight I dropped the car off at the gas station so a new tire could be put on tomorrow morning. As I walked back, my thoughts wandered to my generally crappy day (fight with the Love of my life, a favorite customer dying etc), my generally crappy attitude about my generally crappy day, my generally crappy feelings about me gennerally crappy attitude about my generally crappy day, and just before the dark hole of eternal elevator music opened in front of me I suddenly had an idea.
Go to another level--look at all the crap that has happened, and ask myself, "If I was asleep, and dreaming this day, how would I interpret it?"
This excercise does two things; first, it breaks the "generally crappy" repeating thought pattern and second, it gives you a clue as to what is going on in your head. Since Huna believes that everything in your reality is a reflection of something going on inside of you, it stands to reason that if you actually take a moment to think about what you're seeing and feeling, you can get an idea of what caused it.

It got me thinking about why my prayers arent being heard and a bunch of other things. Then I wondered if perhaps Emmie-Grace had some problem that was manifesting as the crappy day and could that problem interfere with my prayers and of course, where did it come from in the first place.
When she told me what she thought through the pendullum, it suddenly occurred to me that there have been countless illustrations of that attitude over the course of my life.

This "plot-line" can be applied to just about every aspect of my life.

1) Deb finds something good (insert: Boyfriend, husband, New Job, Family, money)
2) Deb resists the something good.
3)The something good meets Deb's needs at first
4) Deb decides to trust the something good and begins to enjoy it.
5)Then Deb gets the feeling that the something good is more interested in the needs of others
6) Deb attempts to help the something good meet the needs of others thinking that it will make the something good think better of her.
7) The needs of others begin to take precedence
8) Deb wonders what they have that she doesnt
9) Deb gets upset
10) Deb feels guilty for being what she think of as "selfish"
11) Deb begins to speak up
12) the something good gives only superficial and perfunctory attention
13) Deb feels as though everything good she has is always taken away just as she is beginning to enjoy it.
14) Deb gets angry and lashed out
15) The something good stops listening altogether
16) Deb pushes the something good away or it leaves.

Boyfriends, jobs, family--you name it, it has all played out this way.

Fine--so step one is take stock of "what is" (Deb's crappy day, et al.)
Step two is find the pattern (The 16-step plot)
Step three is figure out what belief inside makes this show up outside(Deb questions Emmie-Grace)
Step four is figure out where the belief comes from
Step five is eliminate the belief

This is the hard part.
As I wrote to a friend "Emmie-Grace has no problem contacting the HS but feels that we wont be heard because we never are. (She feels that) Nobody cares about meeting our needs except to shut us up. Even then it is done in a superficial fashion and with as little time as possible. And she thinks that people do it only begrudgingly. Now just HOW am I supposed to work with that?????

*side note, as I was writing this I had the rather sickening feeling that people just didnt want to hear me whining, would think much less of me, didnt really care, were going to belittle me about it and I should just shut up. Ah...pattern pattern pattern...

Where did this come from? Years and years of growing up in a house with my mother and her parents. I have mentioned in previous blogs that my grandfather ruled with an iron fist and his favorite weapon of terror was the threat to throw my mother and I out on the street if he was angry with us.
Can you imagine a lifetime in which an old man WOULDNT be angry with a child at least once? Didnt think so.
So, my needs were hushed. Only the very basic ones were met, and usually with great moaning and complaining about how much of a drain it was, and the words I will never forget "well, she needed it", like it somehow fell to my beleaguered family to be magnanimous because no one else would.
The more I complained, the more I was hushed.
When I acted out, I was ignored.
I watched my mother become a martyr and I became one too.
I saw all around me, what looked to me like other kids having their needs met. Nice clothes, going out, making friends; and I wondered what it was about myself that somehow made me less deserving. Even the things that were given to me were taken away at a moment's notice. All my toys were taken from my room and put on the top shelf of the closet where I couldnt reach them when I misbehaved. They were doled back to me one at a time for "being good", then taken away again. I never got atatched to anything.
And of course as I watched my mother become subservient to her parents, I learned that this was the way to earn praise and so I allowed other people to treat me that way.

So its no wonder that EG learned this, and still holds this belief today.

It's the Ku's job to send ones prayers to the High Self--but EG doesnt believe that it will last even if it does manifest--and so it doesnt.

So now what? How can I frame a rational argument to convince EG that this belief is no longer valid, or doing us any good? Try to imagine convincing a child, what do you do?

Your suggestions are encouraged.

More later maybe. I have a date with a pendulum.

"Veronica's"   Add to Address Book  Add Mobile Alert
To:	geminitrader@yahoo.com
Subject:	Re: {Scanned} Healing for Derek
Date:	Tue, 22 Aug 2006 09:18:56 -0400

I heard a story about a boy who was fighting for his life in the hospital.
The father of the infected student is a town official and I have sent him an email saying the following:

Dear ******;

I will be performing a Distance-Healing for your son this evening.
I am a studying Shaman and I have had some success in this area.

Shamanic healing often includes the participation of the patient;
therefore It would be extremely helpful for your son, if you would tell him that this work is being done. The information will help to focus his mind on healing himself.
Part of him will hear you, even if he cannot answer.


I will follow-up with another tomorrow (Tuesday)
I wish you peace in this difficult time.
My best wishes to you and your family.
Mahalo
-D



i guess you could say that I'm "going public" for the first time....it's one thing to help your friends when they ask you, quite another to get a stranger's hopes up.
I dunno...there was just something about this kid's story that touched me.
I hope they don't track me down and fit me for a coat with those "extra-long sleeves".
I cant go to jail for this, can I?

The last one:

Ahhh! thank you so much for all that help! you're amazing!
...thank you thank you thank you again. We were thinking we'd have to find a 24 hour pharmacist last night to figure this out, and then I remembered I had you :D :D

Thanks for the heals! it isn't quite as bad today! :)